Single for almost two decades???

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Monday, October 05, 2015
"Are you talking to anyone?" is something I hear way too often. My response is usually, "Not right now" or maybe even a, "No, the last one was a jerk." Let's be honest though, it just never happens for me. There's nothing quite like a friend saying how she's been single for almost a WHOLE MONTH and I'm over here thinking about how I've been single almost twenty....yes, twenty....years. So why has it been that long? I'm a curvy girl with dirty blonde hair and a not-so-shy personality, so maybe not drop dead gorgeous, but I have some things going for me- so what's the problem and why am I the only one out of my friend's who hasn't had a boyfriend yet?

Let's start off in middle school when dating wasn't huge, but it was starting to get to that stage. I would come home telling my parents about the most recent relationship gossip and then ask why I couldn't have that or why did nobody like me? They always responded with the nice things parents say like, "It'll happen one day." or "You're too pretty to worry about it." Fast forward to high school and I was still waiting on that "one day". By this time I had pretty much convinced myself that my personality was too big, I needed to be prettier, etc. I started to get more attention, but it wasn't anything that would last or anyone who wanted something more than the physical aspect of things. I began to try hard to understand what a guy wanted- was it looks? knowledge of sports? a certain hair color? Then I started to giggle at how desperate I was getting and realized that nobody was mature enough for me or nobody could handle me so I would just wait until college. Well now I'm in college and I bet you can already guess...I'm still the third wheel and just a bridesmaid (Get it? Always a bridesmaid-never a bride). 

I watch my friends become single one by one then, like clock work, find someone else. I've witness a lot of problems, drama and heartbreak that I never knew existed. I've never understood how someone can literally go back to the same person that hurt them so badly before, but I guess I wouldn't know without being in that situation. The biggest thing is the girls who rebound so quickly. How do they have no single time??? Up until college I always saw it as a blessing to never be single, but now I'm seeing it as a curse. Is it an identity thing? Maybe they don't know who they are other than being a girlfriend. Maybe they don't know their worth outside of being in a relationship. Regardless- I'm starting to see being single as a relief more than anything else. 

I like to always remind myself how confident I am and that I can do anything I want to on my own, but don't let this fool you because I still wonder what I'm missing out on. (I even go to the extent of redownloading Tinder...awkward). I don't let myself binge watch Netflix series or eat bowls of ice cream as big as my head, but I do get insecure at times. So the question remains- when will I meet the man God has in store for me? I don't know, but that's okay because I know I'll be perfectly fine until then in this time of growth for myself.  

xx, Blaine

2 comments on "Single for almost two decades???"
  1. Nice blog Blaine. And your parents are right. The time WILL come. And you will be as giddy then as you are now about not having someone. You are beautiful, kind, smart and come from a small country town with small town ideas. It will come I promise. God works on his time. Love you Valerie

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  2. About 5 months ago I myself was a single girl waiting for God to send me someone. I was getting ready to turn 21 and just about every day someone would ask me if I had a man yet...I got really good at saying "I'm just waiting and giving it to God"...but to be honest I wasn't giving it to him at all. I was holding onto the desire to have a boyfriend, getting depressed, and I was also mad that "everyone else" had someone but me. I was realizing that it was becoming an idol and I had to do something about it. So with lots of prayer, I FINALLY gave it to God and was actually somewhat happy with being single. I went out with friends, I occasionally flirted with a guy, but I still kept handing over the desires to Him and then one night I was blown away by a guy and got everything I was asking for. A wonderful man actually asked me out and we've been dating since. I wouldn't trade my 20 years of being single at all, they helped me get to know myself and know what to look for in a man. So my advice is to draw close to God and in His perfect timing you will be blessed more than you can imagine! -Kira

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